The Belly

This post was inspired by the Real Girl Belly Project: http://www.xojane.com/fun/gallery/bellies-part-2

My belly and I have a love-to-hate relationship, which has only grown since the addition of my cancer scars.  To be brutally honest, of everything on my body, my belly is the part I least like.  It represents my history of overeating, rejection, and how much I don't look like a supermodel.  Sometimes I imagine how wonderful it would be to have my belly totally chopped off - even if it meant the rest of me would look ridiculously disproportionate.  Of course, that's never going to happen, but it still even prompted me to joke with my oncologist that he should just liposuction a few lbs off while he was busy taking out my uterus.

Now, all that gloom and doom aside, there is also a part of me that accepts my belly.  It is what it is.  Every stretch mark, scar, hair, bump and divot tells the story of my life.  I sometimes find myself just rubbing it, enjoying my soft smooth skin (and really, it's wonderfully soft and smooth).  My cancer scars, while not totally disfiguring, remind me that I am strong, that I am a survivor.  When I sing, I feel my belly rise up and harden, supporting the sound of the music.

I know that the longer I continue with my exercising, my belly is going to change.  I am scared of losing all this fat, and being stuck with sagging, wrinkly skin.  To be honest, I think I'd almost be fat.  LOL!  I know, it's bizarre.  In any case, part of the path I've chosen means that I must accept myself and the changes that are to come.  If feeling strong, getting healthy and feeling better about myself means I have saggy skin, so be it.