Weight: 388.8
In case of a water landing, y'all might want to hang on, cause I'm gonna bloat up and just float along! I know a lot of is water, but I'm ok w/ that. As long as the weight is down, that's what matters. It seems like if I eat anything other than salads and small amounts of lean meats, I just bloat right up. Ugh! I suppose it's a good thing I like eating green things! As for the holidays, I've been doing really well so far - very few extra treats, etc. We're going out for our usual Chinese food, so I'll be a lot better off than at Thanksgiving with all those delicious fattening leftovers! LOL!
It's amazing what stress will do when it comes to losing weight. I used to be a stress eater - if something was up, grab a shovel and fork folks! Now though, I just have no desire for food. I know it's to do with dealing with the holidays, mom's cancer, etc. So this past week, although I haven't been going to the gym, I'm still down 5lbs. Damn!
I haven't gotten much of anything done today, although I did make it back to the gym and it felt great to take all that tension out on the treadmill. I've also been cutting back the intensity of the workouts, so I'm gonna track it for the next week or so and see if there continues to be improvements with dropping more pounds. I will say, I'm feeling a lot better physically since taking a little break. I think the overdoing it might have been what was holding me back.
Even though this is turning into the most difficult times in my life, I'm still determined to make a change. Not just for myself but because it's what mom wants me to do.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Two Steps forward, one step back....
Current Weight: 393
Les Sigh.
So I've lost a little more and got down to 392. However, in the last week and a half, I gained back 1. Now, to be honest, my diet hasn't really changed (although the last 2 days have been pretty bad), and I think some of it may be water retention. That being said, I also know I've missed quite a few work outs (compared to my 6 day/wk I was doing). No, I'm not slacking, but it's because we found out my mom has terminal cancer. Super sucky, and I needed to just spend some time at home being a basket case. I'm back on track now though, still going every day that I'm able.
I know it's totally irrational, but I'm feeling a little disappointed with gaining back that pound. Yes, it's just a pound, and overall I'm still down 11lbs from where I was. But with all the stress of everything going on with the family, it's a like just one more thing to make me want to say fuck-it and give up. It would be SO easy to just go back to the way things were. I guess this qualifies as one of those times where I've got to push through the mental challenge and keep the big picture in perspective. There's a part of me that's also wondering if maybe I've been over-exercising. I've been increasing my time in the aerobic heart rate zone on the treadmill & elliptical, but I'm also noticing that I'm not sweating as much (yes, I'm staying hydrated), and I'm feeling completely exhausted after my work outs. I think I'm going to try cutting back on the intensity of the workouts, and see what happens.
I've also been craving protein. And nothing else. It's like my body is saying "GIVE ME MEAT! NOW!" And nothing else seems to satisfy - not even sweets! I know Sean "The Hottie" trainer warned me about my appetite increasing, but honestly, it hasn't increased as much as it's been only wanting protein. Meat protein. Beans, legumes, tofu are SO not cutting it! And screw that crap about nuts. Mamma wants some steak, chicken, ribs...oh damn...now I'm hungry!
Les Sigh.
So I've lost a little more and got down to 392. However, in the last week and a half, I gained back 1. Now, to be honest, my diet hasn't really changed (although the last 2 days have been pretty bad), and I think some of it may be water retention. That being said, I also know I've missed quite a few work outs (compared to my 6 day/wk I was doing). No, I'm not slacking, but it's because we found out my mom has terminal cancer. Super sucky, and I needed to just spend some time at home being a basket case. I'm back on track now though, still going every day that I'm able.
I know it's totally irrational, but I'm feeling a little disappointed with gaining back that pound. Yes, it's just a pound, and overall I'm still down 11lbs from where I was. But with all the stress of everything going on with the family, it's a like just one more thing to make me want to say fuck-it and give up. It would be SO easy to just go back to the way things were. I guess this qualifies as one of those times where I've got to push through the mental challenge and keep the big picture in perspective. There's a part of me that's also wondering if maybe I've been over-exercising. I've been increasing my time in the aerobic heart rate zone on the treadmill & elliptical, but I'm also noticing that I'm not sweating as much (yes, I'm staying hydrated), and I'm feeling completely exhausted after my work outs. I think I'm going to try cutting back on the intensity of the workouts, and see what happens.
I've also been craving protein. And nothing else. It's like my body is saying "GIVE ME MEAT! NOW!" And nothing else seems to satisfy - not even sweets! I know Sean "The Hottie" trainer warned me about my appetite increasing, but honestly, it hasn't increased as much as it's been only wanting protein. Meat protein. Beans, legumes, tofu are SO not cutting it! And screw that crap about nuts. Mamma wants some steak, chicken, ribs...oh damn...now I'm hungry!
Monday, December 5, 2011
The history of the T-Rex arms
All my life I've felt strong. I've always felt like I can take on the world, damn all the odds. I could climb mountains, ford streams, change my name to Maria and sing my way through the Alps. Then I met Sean "The Hottie" Trainer.
I knew I was out of shape, but didn't think it was that bad. My first workout with him proved just how wrong I was! It started with some standing push ups and pull ups. Simple, right? Then came the step up/down on stacked weights (think mambo steps minus the hip action). Easy peasy. Then back to the push/pull ups for 3 reps. "Bring it on!" I thought. Not even halfway through the first rep I was nauseated and ready to stop. My brain kicked in like a horse balking a jump. My heels wanted to dig in and tell Sean "The Hottie" Trainer where he could put his no-hip-action mambo moves. My mouth watered. My stomach churned. But I'll be damned if I was gonna give up (and waste my hard earned pesos!!)
Post workout, I felt good. I'd sweated, I survived my session, and left feeling like I could actually make it. The next day I longed to have the joys of the ease of movement and confidence I had mere hours before. It started before my eyes even opened when I reached over to turn off the alarm. My eyes flew open, and somehow my lungs managed to expand enough to gasp in a whoosh of air, as a hot searing flash of mind numbing, paralyzing pain rocketed from my biceps to my brain in 0.00001 seconds. It was like Hermione Granger had hit me with a stupify spell. I now understood on a deep visceral level what Luke Skywalker felt when Emperor Palpatine hit him with the lightening fingers. Ever so gingerly, I reached again for the alarm clock, only to have a repeat of the same god awful fire burning through my limbs. With as little arm movement as possible, I rolled to my side and was able to get the alarm turned off (without squashing my cat) and then laid quietly in bed, pondering the wisdom of my choice to work with a trainer.
And so, the T-Rex arms were born.
Day 2 was even worse than day 1 (as everyone warned/predicted it would be.), and in only using my forearms I found a renewed respect for the mighty dinosaur (how DID they feed themselves!!?!?)
Eventually my arms were recovered, just in time to have my next training session. In total, it took 4 days for me to be able to fully straighten my arms out, and another 2 to feel like I could bear any weight with them. And you know what? I wouldn't trade a second of it! It was like a baptism of fire into my new world of exercise.*
* Thankfully and mercifully that was the worst of it (so far). Every workout and session since then has been glorious - even when I'm feeling grumpy, bloaty, and tired!
I knew I was out of shape, but didn't think it was that bad. My first workout with him proved just how wrong I was! It started with some standing push ups and pull ups. Simple, right? Then came the step up/down on stacked weights (think mambo steps minus the hip action). Easy peasy. Then back to the push/pull ups for 3 reps. "Bring it on!" I thought. Not even halfway through the first rep I was nauseated and ready to stop. My brain kicked in like a horse balking a jump. My heels wanted to dig in and tell Sean "The Hottie" Trainer where he could put his no-hip-action mambo moves. My mouth watered. My stomach churned. But I'll be damned if I was gonna give up (and waste my hard earned pesos!!)
Post workout, I felt good. I'd sweated, I survived my session, and left feeling like I could actually make it. The next day I longed to have the joys of the ease of movement and confidence I had mere hours before. It started before my eyes even opened when I reached over to turn off the alarm. My eyes flew open, and somehow my lungs managed to expand enough to gasp in a whoosh of air, as a hot searing flash of mind numbing, paralyzing pain rocketed from my biceps to my brain in 0.00001 seconds. It was like Hermione Granger had hit me with a stupify spell. I now understood on a deep visceral level what Luke Skywalker felt when Emperor Palpatine hit him with the lightening fingers. Ever so gingerly, I reached again for the alarm clock, only to have a repeat of the same god awful fire burning through my limbs. With as little arm movement as possible, I rolled to my side and was able to get the alarm turned off (without squashing my cat) and then laid quietly in bed, pondering the wisdom of my choice to work with a trainer.
And so, the T-Rex arms were born.
Day 2 was even worse than day 1 (as everyone warned/predicted it would be.), and in only using my forearms I found a renewed respect for the mighty dinosaur (how DID they feed themselves!!?!?)
Eventually my arms were recovered, just in time to have my next training session. In total, it took 4 days for me to be able to fully straighten my arms out, and another 2 to feel like I could bear any weight with them. And you know what? I wouldn't trade a second of it! It was like a baptism of fire into my new world of exercise.*
* Thankfully and mercifully that was the worst of it (so far). Every workout and session since then has been glorious - even when I'm feeling grumpy, bloaty, and tired!
The Belly
This post was inspired by the Real Girl Belly Project: http://www.xojane.com/fun/gallery/bellies-part-2
My belly and I have a love-to-hate relationship, which has only grown since the addition of my cancer scars. To be brutally honest, of everything on my body, my belly is the part I least like. It represents my history of overeating, rejection, and how much I don't look like a supermodel. Sometimes I imagine how wonderful it would be to have my belly totally chopped off - even if it meant the rest of me would look ridiculously disproportionate. Of course, that's never going to happen, but it still even prompted me to joke with my oncologist that he should just liposuction a few lbs off while he was busy taking out my uterus.
Now, all that gloom and doom aside, there is also a part of me that accepts my belly. It is what it is. Every stretch mark, scar, hair, bump and divot tells the story of my life. I sometimes find myself just rubbing it, enjoying my soft smooth skin (and really, it's wonderfully soft and smooth). My cancer scars, while not totally disfiguring, remind me that I am strong, that I am a survivor. When I sing, I feel my belly rise up and harden, supporting the sound of the music.
I know that the longer I continue with my exercising, my belly is going to change. I am scared of losing all this fat, and being stuck with sagging, wrinkly skin. To be honest, I think I'd almost be fat. LOL! I know, it's bizarre. In any case, part of the path I've chosen means that I must accept myself and the changes that are to come. If feeling strong, getting healthy and feeling better about myself means I have saggy skin, so be it.
My belly and I have a love-to-hate relationship, which has only grown since the addition of my cancer scars. To be brutally honest, of everything on my body, my belly is the part I least like. It represents my history of overeating, rejection, and how much I don't look like a supermodel. Sometimes I imagine how wonderful it would be to have my belly totally chopped off - even if it meant the rest of me would look ridiculously disproportionate. Of course, that's never going to happen, but it still even prompted me to joke with my oncologist that he should just liposuction a few lbs off while he was busy taking out my uterus.
Now, all that gloom and doom aside, there is also a part of me that accepts my belly. It is what it is. Every stretch mark, scar, hair, bump and divot tells the story of my life. I sometimes find myself just rubbing it, enjoying my soft smooth skin (and really, it's wonderfully soft and smooth). My cancer scars, while not totally disfiguring, remind me that I am strong, that I am a survivor. When I sing, I feel my belly rise up and harden, supporting the sound of the music.
I know that the longer I continue with my exercising, my belly is going to change. I am scared of losing all this fat, and being stuck with sagging, wrinkly skin. To be honest, I think I'd almost be fat. LOL! I know, it's bizarre. In any case, part of the path I've chosen means that I must accept myself and the changes that are to come. If feeling strong, getting healthy and feeling better about myself means I have saggy skin, so be it.
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