One thing I really like about my gym is that there's normal people. Ok, for the most part it's normal people. I see the little grandmas, the middle aged folks, pretty much all shapes and sizes at all ability levels. Today I even saw an old man with a walker, and a lady in a wheelchair. Honestly, that's what made me pick my gym - I was not about to join somewhere that has a bunch 'roid monkeys grunting and heaving all over. I also didn't want to go to someplace where the women are running around with spandex camel toes and a full face of make-up. I'm there to sweat. A lot. Without feeling like I'm being stared at or made fun of for all my heaving red-faced efforts.
Now all that being said, there's always the odd ducks that just don't quite fit. During my second workout with Sean "the Hottie" Trainer, Hitler Moustache Man made an appearance. Picture an older white guy, say, late 50's/early 60's, with big bushy Einstein hair and a full on Hitler moustache. Seriously. Did he not get the memo that Hitler ruined that look for all time? It was surreal. How can I focus on chest presses when a freakin nazi 'stache is staring at me in all it's hairy horror!
Today's gym person of the day was Anorexic Annie. Now, I'm that LAST person who has any business making any kind of judgments about a person's physical appearance. But this poor girl was completely emaciated. I don't mean in the healthy but lean way, like a ballet dancer. I mean in the starving Somali kind of way. She was attempting various strange exercises on the floor, including doing a handstand while watching herself in the mirror and waving her legs around. And yes, her shirt had flopped down so her belly was exposed. I wanted to feed the poor girl. Spending time at the gym, you see all body types, including the unhealthy ones, and her face just said she was tired, stressed and dealing with a lot of anxiety issues.
But it gave me pause to think and reflect for a moment on the impossible body standards our society puts on people, women in particular. It's both a blessing and a curse to live in a country where we have so much, and yet are so dysfunctional with food. We have such riches, with other parts of the world are starving, yet women here are starving themselves, vomiting and dying to get the emaciate waif look. Ironically, studies have shown that men prefer women with a little meat to them...not the super thin look-like-a-prepubescent-boy look.
I know I'll never be one of the super skinny girls, but I feel really good in knowing that I'm on my way to a smaller Grace, however she may end up looking. My struggle right now is to keep in mind that the fat didn't come on overnight, and it's not gonna go away overnight. I also have to remind myself that it doesn't matter that I can't go as fast or as hard as other people, but that I'm challenging myself and breaking barriers every time I go to the gym, which is more important. It's no longer in the world of "I'm gonna". I'm now in the world of "I am". And you know what? It feels damned good!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Exercise really DOES work!
Weight (as of 11/21/11): 396
Total weight loss: 9lbs
I don't know who this new person is, but I LIKE her! From somewhere deep inside of me, I have made a full, 100% commitment to myself, and to getting healthy. I'm still going to the gym 6 days per week, and logging many miles on the good ol' treadmill. I think there's a big part of me that's afraid of sliding back. It would be SO easy to stop going, or just skip a day her, skip a day there. But then I tell myself, it's getting even a little bit lax on myself, especially at the beginning, is what's going to keep me fat. Yes, there are days when I'm tired, and want nothing more than to veg on the couch. If I let myself get too hungry and I'm out and about, I almost find myself with a compulsive urge to pull in to a fast food place, for "just a little bite" (which ALWAYS ends up being at least 600 calories or more!)
Tuesday I was too busy to make it to the gym, and by the time I made it home, I was legit exhausted from a full day of shopping and prepping for Thanksgiving. I found myself feeling guilty for not going, because I've made this such a priority for my life. I found myself slipping back into the old moods, old ways of thinking. I almost felt like the endorphins that have had me feeling SO good were wearing off. Wednesday, I felt sluggish again, and found myself making excuses to avoid getting exercise. But you know, in the end I went. Not only did I go, I kept to my routine of a full hour, and double the intensity. Yes, I was dead exhausted and probably over did it a bit. On the other hand, I felt AMAZING! My mood was back up and those endorphins, those GLORIOUS endorphins!
Now, I'll be the first to admit that today I TOTALLY blew my diet (which isn't anything concrete really, mostly just reading labels, watching portions and doing some rough calorie counting/exchanging). Yes, it's Thanksgiving, and yes I did go to the gym this morning (only for half my workout), but still - the calorie and salt intake is well outside my norm. And man am I feeling it!
So tomorrow I'm back on track - no matter how many yummy leftovers there are in my fridge! LOL!
Total weight loss: 9lbs
I don't know who this new person is, but I LIKE her! From somewhere deep inside of me, I have made a full, 100% commitment to myself, and to getting healthy. I'm still going to the gym 6 days per week, and logging many miles on the good ol' treadmill. I think there's a big part of me that's afraid of sliding back. It would be SO easy to stop going, or just skip a day her, skip a day there. But then I tell myself, it's getting even a little bit lax on myself, especially at the beginning, is what's going to keep me fat. Yes, there are days when I'm tired, and want nothing more than to veg on the couch. If I let myself get too hungry and I'm out and about, I almost find myself with a compulsive urge to pull in to a fast food place, for "just a little bite" (which ALWAYS ends up being at least 600 calories or more!)
Tuesday I was too busy to make it to the gym, and by the time I made it home, I was legit exhausted from a full day of shopping and prepping for Thanksgiving. I found myself feeling guilty for not going, because I've made this such a priority for my life. I found myself slipping back into the old moods, old ways of thinking. I almost felt like the endorphins that have had me feeling SO good were wearing off. Wednesday, I felt sluggish again, and found myself making excuses to avoid getting exercise. But you know, in the end I went. Not only did I go, I kept to my routine of a full hour, and double the intensity. Yes, I was dead exhausted and probably over did it a bit. On the other hand, I felt AMAZING! My mood was back up and those endorphins, those GLORIOUS endorphins!
Now, I'll be the first to admit that today I TOTALLY blew my diet (which isn't anything concrete really, mostly just reading labels, watching portions and doing some rough calorie counting/exchanging). Yes, it's Thanksgiving, and yes I did go to the gym this morning (only for half my workout), but still - the calorie and salt intake is well outside my norm. And man am I feeling it!
So tomorrow I'm back on track - no matter how many yummy leftovers there are in my fridge! LOL!
Monday, November 14, 2011
The journey of a thousand pounds begins with one cheeseburger
Well, here goes nothing. I'm about to violate one of the most sacred rules of being a fat lady. I'm going to publicly admit to my weight to the universe (stop sniggering.)
You may be asking yourself why I'm doing this. The fact is, I've been big my entire adult life, and most of my childhood as well. I've always been a relatively active person, and never felt like my weight held me back. The major glaring exception is that it's ridiculously difficult to date a normal guy when you're not hwp. Seriously. I cannot tell you how many freaks, losers, fetishists, etc. I've managed to pick up along the way. But more on that later....
As those who know me already know, I am not one to commit to things easily. But the one thing I am making a promise to do is to face this journey with honesty and the honesty must come from the beginning. It's already been uncomfortable, and I expect that there will be tears, laughter (especially when my trainer starts trying to get me to do crazy bendy shit), and at the end of the day I'm going to go to bed in a sweat-stink exhaustion knowing I did my best to realize my dreams.
Ok, so now you may be asking how I plan to go about all of this hope-y changin'? Well, 2 weeks ago I joined my local 24-hour fitness and started with a trainer. I figure if I can put myself in permanent debt with student loans to improve my mind, I need to be willing to make some kind of $$ investment in my body (in a healthy way).
To answer the original question, I am doing this because I want to live. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, which, in my case, was mostly likely brought on by my weight. I absolutely regret not taking better care of my body when I was younger. At the same time, I can't live my life with regret. There's only forward movement in life. Like stagnant water, a life stood still just festers and grows stinky stuff. So here goes nothin'!
The Agenda: become half the weight I am today in the next year to year and a half.
The Action Plan: sweat. a lot. everyday.
And now, what you've all been waiting for *dramatic pause*
*drum roll*
...
*drum roll*
........
*big breath in*
....................
*more drum roll (including soft cymbals and maracas)*
................................................
My current weight (ok, current as of a week ago when I was weighed at the gym).....405lbs. (Jesus H. Christ. Where the fuck did it all come from!?!?)
*runs and hides in the corner*
Now to muster the courage to link this to my FaceBook....
You may be asking yourself why I'm doing this. The fact is, I've been big my entire adult life, and most of my childhood as well. I've always been a relatively active person, and never felt like my weight held me back. The major glaring exception is that it's ridiculously difficult to date a normal guy when you're not hwp. Seriously. I cannot tell you how many freaks, losers, fetishists, etc. I've managed to pick up along the way. But more on that later....
As those who know me already know, I am not one to commit to things easily. But the one thing I am making a promise to do is to face this journey with honesty and the honesty must come from the beginning. It's already been uncomfortable, and I expect that there will be tears, laughter (especially when my trainer starts trying to get me to do crazy bendy shit), and at the end of the day I'm going to go to bed in a sweat-stink exhaustion knowing I did my best to realize my dreams.
Ok, so now you may be asking how I plan to go about all of this hope-y changin'? Well, 2 weeks ago I joined my local 24-hour fitness and started with a trainer. I figure if I can put myself in permanent debt with student loans to improve my mind, I need to be willing to make some kind of $$ investment in my body (in a healthy way).
To answer the original question, I am doing this because I want to live. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer, which, in my case, was mostly likely brought on by my weight. I absolutely regret not taking better care of my body when I was younger. At the same time, I can't live my life with regret. There's only forward movement in life. Like stagnant water, a life stood still just festers and grows stinky stuff. So here goes nothin'!
The Agenda: become half the weight I am today in the next year to year and a half.
The Action Plan: sweat. a lot. everyday.
And now, what you've all been waiting for *dramatic pause*
*drum roll*
...
*drum roll*
........
*big breath in*
....................
*more drum roll (including soft cymbals and maracas)*
................................................
My current weight (ok, current as of a week ago when I was weighed at the gym).....405lbs. (Jesus H. Christ. Where the fuck did it all come from!?!?)
*runs and hides in the corner*
Now to muster the courage to link this to my FaceBook....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)